Quiet Power Revisited: Why Introverts Thrive in Fundraising

Fundraising doesn’t belong only to the boldest voice in a crowded gala. It thrives in the quiet moments where a donor feels understood, a tense call cools with care, and a complex gift moves forward because someone listened long enough to hear what really matters. We sit down with advancement officer and CFRE Carissa Kineski to explore how introverts turn deep listening, patience, and empathy into durable donor relationships—and why those “soft” skills are often the hardest to replace.

Carissa shares how de-escalating tough donor inquiries taught her that most people want to be heard before they want solutions. We talk about shifting event metrics from volume to depth, capturing small personal details that compound trust, and pacing conversations so generosity can breathe. You’ll hear practical strategies for big rooms and small reserves: set two meaningful targets at receptions, arrive early to let conversations come to you, pull in a colleague as a connector, and take short resets to protect your energy. We unpack common workplace habits that sideline reflective thinkers and offer simple fixes—send agendas in advance, use hand-raising and round-robin turns, embrace ten seconds of silence after prompts, and normalize hybrid time that fuels focus.

We also draw a firm line between introversion and shyness. Introverts aren’t afraid of people; they recharge differently. That difference can be a leadership advantage, especially with donors who need careful attention, clear boundaries, and empathetic pivots when constraints arise. Carissa reflects on the biases quiet professionals face, how to coach resumes toward owned impact without bragging, and why organizations should promote for substance, not volume. If you’ve ever felt pressure to perform extroversion, this conversation offers permission and a plan: lead with presence, measure what matters, and let listening do the heavy lifting.

Enjoyed the conversation? Follow, share with a colleague, and leave a quick review—then tell us: what quiet skill drives your biggest wins?

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Transcript

Introducing Introvert Fundraising

Keith Greer 0:00

Hey there, hi, and welcome back, Ambitious Fundraisers. Today we're diving into a topic that doesn't always get the spotlight in our sector fundraising as an introvert. Now, if you've ever felt like this field was built for the boldest voices in the room, you're not alone. But here's the thing: some of the most powerful fundraisers, the ones who build the deepest donor relationships, who truly listen and connect, are introverts. Our guest today is someone who knows this firsthand. She's built a successful career not by being the loudest in the room, but by embracing the strengths that come with being a quieter, more thoughtful presence. She's here to share how introverts can thrive in fundraising, lead effectively, and redefine what success looks like. So let's talk fundraising. I'm excited to welcome my friend Carissa Kineski. Carissa is a CFRE and is an advancement officer for the leadership giving team at Simon Fraser University in British Columbia, Canada. With a background in gender studies, psychology, and nonprofit management, she spent her career building meaningful donor relationships. She's been recognized as a top 30 under 30 by BC Business and a woman of the year rising star. Beyond fundraising, she's a dedicated girl guide and a passionate advocate for making space for introverted professionals in our field. Carissa, welcome to Let's Talk Fundraising. I'm so excited to have this conversation with you.

Carissa Konesky 3:08

Yeah, hi, Keith. Thank you so much. I'm so excited to be here.

Keith Greer 3:11

Now, Carissa, you've described introversion as a superpower in fundraising. Can you share a moment in your career when being an introvert gave you that real advantage?

Carissa Konesky 3:22

Yeah, that's such a good question. I, as an introvert, one quality that I really have is building relationships and kind of being like a peacekeeper and trying to, you know, um just build that trust between donors. And in a previous job that I had, our department was the one that got all of the kind of incoming calls and the general donor inquiries that would come in. And the inquiries we got were very everyday. So it could be anything from donors being upset that they didn't get their tax receipt, um, to like due to the nature of the work that we were doing, there was a lot of really strong opinions about the way that we were running our programs and how we should be running our programs. Um, so we'd get a lot of like inquiries about that. And as I was, you know, taking these phone calls, which at first made me really nervous because having those incoming calls come in, you really don't know what you're going to get. Um, but I found that I got really good at de-escalating these phone calls really quickly because I realized that the thing that most people wanted was just to be like listened to and understood. And it really didn't matter like what actions we took or like we weren't gonna change our programs because we really believed in the programs we were running, but they really just wanted us to like they really wanted to feel like we were valuing their opinions. And the fact that they were calling in the first place showed that they cared. Um, so I realized that most people just really wanted to be listened to, and a lot of people these days don't really get the opportunity to be listened to. So I think having the ability to be such a deep listener and give people that space to share their concerns really helps me build a lot of trust with my donors. And um even though I have quite a different job now, it really has I've used been able to use those skills in um similar ways, either when hearing donor concerns or building that trust. Um it's just been really transferable. And it was really a surprise to me to think um managing those donor inquiries and everything, that me being an introvert was actually what helped me the most through that.

Keith Greer 5:38

I love what you're saying about getting those phone calls and having them just be kind of whatever happens. But really at the heart of it, it was listening to people, de-escalating the situations. And I've talked about it on the podcast before. One of the things that I learned when I was working at Disney, because that skill as an extrovert is not necessarily one that comes quickly and easily to me. So it was a skill I had to learn. But it's they talked about at Disney making the relationships last. And how did you do that? And it was the L-A-S-T listen, apologize, solve, and think. And so it's really about making sure that people felt like they were heard, making sure that they were valued and letting them know that you're actually truly sorry for their experience, solving it quickly and thanking them for bringing it to your attention. And so that's probably something that you as an introvert do much more naturally than I do because I want to jump right past the listening and past the apologizing and just getting to solving and thing it. And that's a st, like just no, you gotta last. It can't just be the the st at the end of it. But you've written also about how leadership isn't about who speaks the loudest or the most often. Um, from your perspective, what are the most valuable leadership traits in fundraising?

Listening as a Fundraising Superpower

Carissa Konesky 6:55

Yeah, first of all, I really appreciate you mentioning that listening is a hard skill because a lot of times I think that it's not really thought of as even a skill. Like listening is just something that we would do naturally, whereas something like public speaking or being able to kind of talk to a room would be a lot more valued. But active listening is really hard and it's a really hard skill. And like you mentioned, how many times do we listen to people just to respond rather than actually like hearing what they say? Um, so I really do think that while good leaders come in so many different forms, the best leaders and the best supervisors that I have had have been the ones who have actually taken the time to listen. And I think that that's especially important in fundraising because it is a really difficult job. And it's not like a one size fits all kind of job where there's one way to do your job. There's so many different circumstances, there's so many different personalities, and really no situation and no donor is the same. So I think that having a leader who really listens to the perspective of their fundraisers, offering the advice, but also having the empathy and understanding everything that comes with the toughness of the job, those have been the leaders that I have found really valuable. And also the leaders that I've found really hard to find. I find that when you have a supervisor that will really listen and really empathize and be open to hearing feedback from their um from their employees, that's just not something that you find in every leader. And I really appreciate having that skill being valued.

Keith Greer 8:38

Oh, it's absolutely a valued skill, and it's one that I know I have to work on constantly. So I'm jealous that it comes naturally to introverts like you. Um, and as it as one of your core strengths, can you share a time when truly listening to a donor made a lasting impact really on your relationship with them?

Carissa Konesky 8:55

Yeah. Um actually this happened a couple of months ago. So I had reached out to meet with a donor for coffee, and he was a longtime donor of SFU, but he had recently been assigned to my portfolio. So it was the first time that I had met with him. Um, and the coffee ended up being over an hour and a half. And I would say he actually ended up doing most of the talking. And I'm not saying that this is the right way to be a fundraiser, um, but this is my style of being a fundraiser that's really worked for me. I don't go trying to, you know, sell a donor something or wanting to like close a gift agreement right away. But rather I just want to listen and learn and understand like where they're interested in giving and what their passion is. Um so he did come to me with like some concerns as well as a lot of background about why he gives to the programs that he does. Um, but I learned a lot and it was actually like a really great experience, even though he did have those concerns. You could tell that he was just really passionate about giving to SOU and he really wanted SFU to be the best that it could be. And then after the meeting, he sent me an email and he said, I really don't know like what I expected from this meeting, but I felt so listened to and like my opinion was so valued, and I was really pleasantly surprised. And that email was amazing to receive, but it also really kind of blew my mind. Um, I was like, hmm, maybe there is a method to this kind of madness, and maybe people do need to listen, be listened to more, and that is a really important skill in fundraising. Let's take a quick break.

Keith Greer 10:36

That's really beautiful that you are able to listen to him and validate his concerns. And in the next message you got from him, he validated your approach. And that's such a wonderful gift to be able to have. And to really take the time to listen to what his heart was saying, even if the words weren't there yet.

Carissa Konesky 12:30

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it really kind of shows the impact that even just being a listening ear can be to somebody.

Keith Greer 12:38

And I really appreciate that you're saying don't sell it right away, because I think so many of us measure our successes by or take even our metrics, not even the successes, but take our metrics based on the quantity rather than on the quality, because it is such an identifiable, tangible thing to measure quantity instead of the depth and the impact of that conversation. And so many fundraising teams measure their event successes by how many conversations they have in a night. How do you think we should really be defining that success, especially for maybe introverted fundraisers?

Leadership Beyond the Loudest Voice

Carissa Konesky 13:14

Yeah, I think it's really a matter of kind of quality over quantity. And I know a lot of us fundraisers, we want to reach as many donors or prospective donors as we can, especially when we have those opportunities to be like front-facing and talk to somebody in person. And that's totally great and important. And we all have our quantitative fundraising goals that we need to reach that are a lot easier to, you know, demonstrate to our workplace that we're reaching. Um, but when I go to a donor event or an event that SFU is putting on, I love to spend more time with just a few donors. And though I maybe haven't talked to as many donors as some of my other fellow fundraisers have, I have always come away with some really strong relationships. And one thing that I found really helpful has been being able to remember those kind of like little things that donors mention. So for example, if I'm talking to a donor and they're like, oh, my son's birthday is next week and we're planning this party, then I can remember that and the next week be like, oh, I'm so um glad to, I was so glad to meet you. And I really hope your son's birthday went well. Um, so even those little things show that you really care and are really listening to them. Um, and then just yeah, taking the time to show donors that you care and build those lasting relationships. It's really paid off for me this year. And I've actually managed to close some pretty big donor deals. Um, but it is really a matter of patience and taking the time to really build that trust in those relationships.

Keith Greer 14:45

Oh, patience. I wish I had more of them.

Carissa Konesky 14:48

Honestly, me too, even still.

Keith Greer 14:52

But paying attention to the details is really important. I think that's another area where uh introverts really kind of take the cake. Like they know how to focus in on those details and make people really feel cared about. But you've also pointed out that many workplaces are set up to favor extroverts. What are small but meaningful changes that organizations can make to help introverted team members really thrive?

Carissa Konesky 15:16

Yeah, there's so many ways that introverts can thrive in a workplace, and it doesn't really take that much effort to make it happen. It's just these little changes that you don't really even think about until someone mentions it or somebody points it out. I think one thing that really helped me was the move to hybrid work. And I understand that not everyone can do that, um, or if that's accessible to everyone. But for me, it's really allowed me to balance like the me time to kind of recharge, and then also my time to still be able to connect with my donors and my um fellow employees. That's been really important to me. Um, one thing that I found I've really struggled with as an introvert has been the way that like group brainstorm sessions or like strategic sessions with workplaces are often set up. Um, so a lot of people will think out loud. So like brainstorm out loud and want to bounce ideas off one another. But for me, I know that I need the time to process those things in my head. So if somebody asks me a question, I need a few minutes to kind of think it through and really think about what I want to say, which is great. But oftentimes in those brainstorming sessions, they move so quickly by the time I'm like, I have an idea, I'm ready to share it, everyone has moved on to the next idea. So something that's been really helpful for me is either being sent the questions in advance, so I have time to like pre-brainstorm those ideas or make some notes on those ideas. Either that or um like sending out an agenda ahead of time and letting people actually take the notes ahead of time. My fundraising team does that now as well. Um, so I have those talking points when we're doing our check-ins already, and I don't really need the time to pre-think about it. Um, another thing I really recommend is being okay with silence during meetings or group discussions. When somebody asks a question out loud and a lot of people have had their turn to speak, and you know that some people in the group still haven't spoken, being okay with having that silence, even though it can be really uncomfortable, that gives the introverts a moment to think and also to speak without feeling like they have to talk over maybe some of the louder voices in the group. That has been really helpful. Another thing that I found really helpful, and this can be with either Zoom meetings or online meetings or in-person meetings, would be asking people to raise their hands before they talk. When you have those kind of popcorn style brainstorming meetings, I personally, and this is definitely not everybody, but for me, I find it difficult to cut in or um I get nervous about having to talk over somebody. So even the method of like having people raise their hand and the group facilitator calling on people, that can help make the conversation a lot more comfortable. Um, and then finally just recognizing if people need their space, especially during lunch hour. Um, I used to work in an organization where the expectation was that everyone would go down to the cafeteria to eat lunch together because it was thought to be like staff bonding, which is great and a lot of people loved it. But for me, it was so hard because I really needed that hour or so to really recharge and um, you know, go for a walk, get some fresh air, and just get my thoughts back together. So I think just understanding that people recharge differently. Um, outside of fundraising, I also volunteer a lot with um Girl Guides, which is our Canadian version of Girl Scouts, and we're noticing that a lot more with the teens I work with. Some of them will just be sitting off in the corner. And at first we were worried that they weren't feeling included or they were upset, but we realized they really just needed um some space away from all of we have 18 girls, so there it's a lot of noise, and sometimes they just need space. And um, one fellow girl guy leader, she said to me, Um, is it bothering them or is it bothering you? And I realized that even though I am an introvert, I still felt bad about the people who needed to step aside and recharge. So just kind of recognizing that that looks a little bit differently for everyone.

Keith Greer 19:29

I think those are some amazing tips. Uh, a couple questions, and so we're just gonna kind of go through them a little bit of one by one. Uh, but when you're talking about observing that people are getting to take some space and you got the feedback of is it something that's bothering you or is it something that's bothering them? Do you go and do you check in with the people who are taking space, or do you just kind of assume that they're taking space because they need it? What's what's the best way to approach that?

Carissa Konesky 19:58

Yeah, that's a good question. I think if it's somebody that you know is an introvert and does need that space, I would say that it's safe to assume that um that's what they're doing and that's what they're needing right now, and maybe giving them some time to recharge. And if they do need some help or need someone to talk to, letting them approach you in that moment, especially with adults. I think that it's okay to kind of assume that they'll be able to tell you what they need. Um, when I work with kids, we definitely do check in a little bit more with them just to make sure that nothing's wrong. But also I found that they do prefer us. Once we do that one time and we understand more like um what they need, they do prefer them either coming to us or us more so ignoring it rather than um coming to them and drawing attention to them doing that.

Meaningful Donor Relationships Through Listening

Keith Greer 20:48

I really like that initial check-in on somebody that you might not know very well. And maybe just having the conversation to say, hey, uh if I look at you and you just want some space, give me a thumbs up or whatever it is, just so I know you're okay. And if you're having some trouble, just give me a thumbs down or something. And then I know to come come help you or something along those lines. But also with raising your hands, I can imagine that Zoom has been kind of a blessing in disguise with that because it's kind of a best practice because it's it's so much easier for things to go chaotic and out of control over Zoom when people are jumping in on top of each other. But having that raise hand feature must be super helpful. Do you also implement that in your in-person meetings as well?

Carissa Konesky 21:36

First of all, Zoom has been such a good blessing in disguise. I know there's been a lot of growing pains and um we're still trying to figure out technology like five years after we first started using it. Um, but not only is the hand raising great, the chat feature is also great. I found sometimes if I'm in a bigger meeting with a hundred people and I don't feel comfortable raising my hand in that moment, even just typing. The chat is a lot less scary for me. And then if the facilitator raises the question or um points out what I said, then I still feel like my voice has been heard and I don't have to talk over all the people in the room. So that's been really great. I think in terms of um doing it in person, um, sometimes we'll do things where like we'll each be given a minute to say our opinion, um, which has been really helpful because on my fundraising team, we do have a lot of different personalities. And we found before we were doing that just because of the nature of everything, that meant that a few people were really dominating those conversations. Um, so I think, you know, giving people that minute and saying, like, oh, thank you so much for contributing. Um, let's see if somebody else has something to contribute, it really like evens the playing field. And by doing that too, the introverts in the room don't feel like they need to compete or be a louder voice. Um, it kind of just evens it out a bit more.

Keith Greer 22:59

That's really great. And the last question I had from all of your tips is talking about being okay with the silence during the meetings or the group discussions. And maybe it's not so much as of a question, but it's something that I remember uh one of my leaders talking to me about years ago. And they said, after you ask a question, count to 10 seconds in your head before you start calling on people and asking them. And it gives people a chance to kind of get their thoughts out, have them collected and formulate uh something semi-coherent before they start to speak on it. Uh, is that something that you're fully advocating for as well? Just taking that 10 seconds of silence and really going with the awkwardness of it? Yes.

Carissa Konesky 23:47

Yes. And I promise you that will feel like the longest 10 seconds ever when you do that. Um, and silence is very awkward and it can be very painful for some, um, but it is super important. Um, I've also facilitated some workshops and I do understand the urge to fill that silence because that's just not something that you know people like. Um but I do highly advocate for that. And I think the 10 seconds is a good rule, and that does give other people time to like think and contribute and stuff. And I would also encourage, even if you're not the facilitator, if you're somebody who does tend to be a more dominant person in conversations, giving yourself that 10 seconds as well rather than trying to fill the silence all the time and letting someone else speak.

Keith Greer 24:31

Okay, great. So not just on the facilitator side, but on the participant side too.

Carissa Konesky 24:36

Absolutely. Yeah. And I don't think people mean any harm by this at all. And um, it is often people just wanting to avoid that awkward silence or not wanting quieter people to feel uncomfortable. But I do think it is really important to do that. But it is hard. I do recognize that.

Keith Greer 24:53

Yeah, because I think that so many people think that the quiet people are shy. They assume that introversion and shyness are the exact same thing. How do you explain the difference and why does that distinction matter so much for fundraisers?

Carissa Konesky 25:06

That is a great question, and it is so true. I hear these words put together all the time. Like that person is so shy and quiet. Um, but those two things are not the same. And of course, you can be shy and quiet, um, but they don't necessarily go hand in hand all the time. Um, I know people who talk a lot who would consider themselves shy.

Keith Greer 25:27

Um and hello, that would be me.

Carissa Konesky 25:29

Exactly. And you would never think. So it's just um people show up in so many different ways. And introversion and extroversion really just refers to how you get your energy. Um, us introverts, we get our recharge energy by being alone, and um the extroverts get their energy by being with other people, and it does not mean that introverts are scared to talk to people or hesitant to talk to people. Um, I actually don't consider myself to be a shy person at all. Um, I've gone on multiple like group trips um across like Canada and the USA, having not known anyone, and I've still made lots of friends. Um, so I think this is really important for fundraisers, especially because there's always an assumption that if someone is not a very talkative person and they're shy, they might be too shy to go on a donor meeting or they might not be ready to be able to have those conversations with donors. Um, so I think that it is really important to understand the difference between those two. Um, I also think it's important not to make comments about that. Um I have had so many comments made towards me throughout um my career, and I know that those comments don't mean harm, um, but they do make me feel really shrugged off. So last year I ended up getting the big award from BC Business, and when one of my colleagues was said, What? I can't believe it. Like you quite Carissa. Um, so they didn't mean harm, but it does make me feel like my personality and my skill set does not set me up for success in the way that others are, especially in fundraising and leadership where I want to be.

Creating Workplaces Where Introverts Thrive

Keith Greer 27:08

I think what you're talking about with introversion and shyness is a really important note because while I would definitely consider myself an extrovert, uh, there are moments when I can be very shy. And for me, the shyness comes in more with large groups, and it comes in uh when I feel very out of place with it, right? Whereas I one-on-one, I can talk to anybody about anything. You want to put me in a room with Oprah Winfrey or Bill Gates or Hannibal Lecter, I can make a conversation with any of them. But put me into a room filled with people like that, and it becomes very overwhelming. And I am definitely a wallflower in those moments. And so that kind of gets to networking events and big galas and how they can be so draining, even for extroverts. How do you personally balance that meaningful donor engagement with preserving your energy?

Carissa Konesky 28:06

Yeah, I'm so glad that you mentioned that, Keith, because I do believe that introversion and extroversion is a spectrum. I don't think that anyone is 100% introverted and wants to be by themselves all the time. And I also don't believe that anyone wants to be with people 100% of the time and never wants their own time. So I think it's a really good point that it sometimes shows up differently. I know for me, the networking events and the big galas is when I feel the most like an introvert. So the way that I kind of manage it is I try to break it down into smaller goals. So rather than looking at that big room of donors or that big room of people and thinking that I need to talk to the whole room, just prioritizing what one or two donors do I really want to talk to and build a further relationship with tonight and breaking it down so that I just focus on that and focus on getting to know those um one or two people. Because, like you mentioned, I'm the same way. I can talk to anybody one-on-one. Um, and I have no problem with that. And I get to know people really well. But as soon as it went, like as soon as I'm with a group of like 10 people, I'll definitely take more of a step back. Um, so being able to kind of like find those one-on-one conversations, even in such a big group, has been really helpful to me. And even if like more people join the conversation as we go or they bring in more people for me to meet, like that's awesome, but it's way less overwhelming than feeling like I have to make conversation with everybody all at once in the like two hours that the event is going to be. Um, and I also just want to say, like, let's normalize like needing to take a few minutes. I know that I put so much pressure on myself at these events that um I need to make the most of the two hours and I need my supervisor to see me talking to donors all night long. Um, but I think it's okay just to, you know, either go to the washroom and just like take a recharge for a few minutes and let yourself absorb the information. Um, or even just like taking a few minutes to talk even with a coworker. I know that I have um my one of my best friends is my coworker and I feel really comfortable with her. So even just like having the chance to like debrief and talk with her um for a few minutes, I find that that really recharges me and makes me ready to have that next conversation. So um that can be really helpful and also even like dragging that coworker into a conversation or a different coworker as well. Um, that way you can kind of like bounce off each other during your conversations or um help one another out when one's like fading and their energy is fading. Um, that's also been really helpful for me.

Keith Greer 30:41

I really enjoyed what you were saying about introversion and extroversion being on that spectrum and how that shows up for you. Uh, because for me, it shows up similarly, but a little bit different. Where if it's a donor event, I don't know what it is, but I can be full-on extrovert, knowing that that's my job. It's almost become like a performance for me. And it's like get out there and shine your light. Whereas with networking, that one hits differently for me. And it becomes much more personal and much more vulnerable, and I become much shyer in those. So I've had to develop some strategies uh and some life hacks, so to speak, in order to get through those moments. One of the ones that has been so valuable for me going to those networking events is to show up early, like before everybody else, unfashionably early, uh, and go and find the very best table in the entire room and sit there and claim that because then everybody has to come to you and ask for permission to join your table. And then they're having to introduce themselves to you rather than me having to go and try and introduce myself to a group of strangers that I don't really know. So I wonder, is there any other kind of life hacks like that that you might have found that have really helped you kind of navigate those waters?

Carissa Konesky 32:01

Yeah, I remember you mentioning that, and I haven't had the chance to try that out, but I'm definitely going to because I'm totally the opposite. I want to have like the least amount of time at a networking event, so I'll arrive right on the hour. But you're right, I do end up having to approach people that way. So I'm definitely gonna try it your way the next time as well. Um, I think for me, if you have like either a colleague or somebody that you know, um, either like finding that person in the room and not necessarily staying with them the whole night, um, but using them as a way, like I mentioned before, to bounce off conversations or having them introduce you to some people and really just kind of being an icebreaker. Um, but I've also found that that's kind of gone both ways because depending on who the colleague is, um, if they're a more talkative person than me, sometimes they'll end up dominating the whole conversation as well. Um, so if it is something that you do feel comfortable with, I do highly recommend trying to go to a networking event yourself if you don't have that person that you think you can kind of um be yourself with and be comfortable speaking around. Um and yeah, like even though it is personal, just kind of remembering um you don't have to be anybody but yourself. And I think that that's something that I'm still learning because I do feel a lot of pressure to perform in a certain way and talk a certain amount that I don't necessarily like feel that is authentic to me in these situations because I feel like you know, a networker and a fundraiser is supposed to look a certain way. So I think just knowing that it's okay to show up, like how you feel is right for you.

Keith Greer 33:43

Yeah, I really like the tip about bringing somebody that you can introduce or that can be introduced because that's another one of my hacks that I found is being that person who introduces people, even if you don't know the people that you're introducing, you kind of automatically take more of a an authority role within those relationships. And so it becomes uh almost like you're the master of ceremonies within this conversation. And it just makes it a very different experience. So I really like that.

Carissa Konesky 34:16

Yeah, and I think that's such a big skill, too. Um, I know a few people who are really, really good connectors, um, and that's amazing. Like I was at a networking event with um somebody that I know through volunteering, and she got me talking to like a lawyer and all these people who I never thought I'd be talking to. So even that in themselves, like knowing someone like that, is very helpful.

Keith Greer 34:40

Absolutely. And I'm curious, have you noticed that certain donor personalities respond better really to that introverted approach to fundraising? And how should that shape the way organizations train their teams?

Navigating Networking as an Introvert

Carissa Konesky 34:50

I don't think that there's necessarily a one size fits all to this. Um, but I've often found that myself and um some of my fellow introverted colleagues are really good at working with donors who might require that little bit of extra attention or care. Um, either a donor who has very specific questions or very specific um desires of how we use their gift, um, or those that maybe have required a little bit of a longer time to close the gift agreement. Um, or for us at SFU will write a terms of reference to new awards or scholarships that get donated to. Um so I found that I'm really good at those situations, again, because I'm able to like listen and also mediate with them if there isn't something if they have a request that isn't something that is possible for us to do. Um, I find that the way that I'm able to relay that to the donor is pretty empathetic. Um, and because I've learned so much about them and um why they're giving, I'm kind of able to pivot it um in a different way or in a different light. Um, so that's been really helpful. And I'm not sure if this is solely an introverted quality, but I find that um my patience has been really helpful too. I've had gifts that have taken more than a year for me to close. Um, but just like continuously having that dialogue with the donors has helped me eventually close those um gifts as well. I think in terms of how organizations train their team, I think the biggest thing is to understand that good fundraisers come in different forms. And again, there's really not a one size fits all situation. Um, I have believed for a really long time that I couldn't be a leader or I couldn't be a supervisor because of my certain, you know, demeanor or the way that I communicate. Um, even this is outside of work, but again, with girl guides that I volunteer with, um, I had applied, I think I this was six or seven years ago now. I had applied to be the chair of a committee that I'd given three years of my time and um I had proven my dedication and I'd planned these really large events. Um, and I remember reading an email from someone saying that I was super enthusiastic and hardworking, um, but that I'm soft-spoken and that I could be stepped on. And that was such a big assumption because I've had so many instances before where I've had to stand up for myself in the workplace and in other areas of my life, and I have not been stepped on. Um, so there was that assumption that I wasn't capable of taking on that role just because I was a quieter person. So I think that teams really need to make assumptions um or not make assumptions about people's leadership abilities based on how much they talk and when you are like looking for who to promote or like who to take on a supervisor role, not just automatically choosing like who the loudest or the who the um strongest spoken person is. Because um, while of course they can be good supervisors, it doesn't automatically mean they're gonna be the best supervisor based on that.

Keith Greer 38:09

Right. And so when you're getting that kind of feedback about different leadership styles and fundraising styles, and it's not necessarily resonating with who you are. Can you share a time when your quieter strengths like empathy or attention to detail were truly valued and acknowledged?

Carissa Konesky 38:27

I think the first time that I kind of had a a ha moment about all these biases that I'd had um felt about myself. Um, I was taking an emerging leaders program. We have like a really awesome organization here in Vancouver that specifically works to help train um woman-identified um colleagues into leadership positions. Um so as part of that program, we took the Clifton Strengths test. Um, and now I've taken it a few times, but this was the first time that I'd taken it. And um I'm not sure how many people have taken it, but the test tells you what your top strengths are in four different categories. Um and not surprisingly, I scored mostly in the relationship building categories, categories, which are often the more, you know, soft-spoken and not in the spotlight categories. And then as we were debriefing what we kind of found our results were and um what our leadership styles were, I had this like light bulb moment, um, a feeling that my skills of being a relator or very empathetic were not as valued in the leadership spaces that I were a part of as somebody who was an activator or who was a really good public speaker. Um, and that does make sense to me. I think that skills like, you know, listening and building harmony are not easily noticed compared to being a really good public speaker. Um, and I've never had anything on my work evaluation saying that I'm great at listening to donors or anything like that. Um, but I just remember when everyone else was nodding when I said that I didn't feel as valued in my leadership abilities because of those skills that I had. Um, and then the facilitator also being like, yes, like you hit the nail on the head. Um, that's when I finally felt validated and like a lot of things really made sense.

Keith Greer 40:22

You might not know this yet, but you are an amazing public speaker. And even though we're recording this before our icon session, uh, which was just a few days ago by the time that this airs, uh, I have full confidence in you. I think you're gonna be absolutely amazing. And so I want to invite anybody that attended our session uh at icon to connect with Carissa on LinkedIn. We'll put her uh profile in the show notes and just tell her what an amazing job she did because I know she's gonna knock it out of the park. And it's weird talking about the future in the past tense, but that's where we are because I know you're gonna be amazing.

Carissa Konesky 41:01

Aw, thank you, Keith. I really, really appreciate it. And I think you're such a great example of how important it is to really uplift people and um focus on people's strength and encourage people to do what they want to do. Um, and I really appreciate all the encouragement that you've given me. It's really helped me so much.

Keith Greer 41:18

Well, it's not so much as encouragement, it's just recognizing what an amazing person you are. Because you're pretty dang phenomenal, I must say. But thank you. Thank you for my compliments too. Uh for our last question, because I know we're getting close on our time. For introverts who are just starting their fundraising careers, what's the one piece of advice you wish someone had given you when you were starting out?

Carissa Konesky 41:42

You know, I've often wondered why I'm so passionate about fundraising and why I love it so much when I identify as an introvert. Um, but then I realized that fundraising is really all about building relationships. And um, building relationships does not mean being the loudest person in the room or being the one who talks the most. Um, and I really want my fellow introverted like fundraisers to know that they belong in fundraising and leadership spaces. Um, I know, Keith, we actually met through attending the AFP Leadership Institute. And before I attended, I actually got worried about whether I was going to be too quiet, um, or even if like AFP would regret accepting me into the program just because I wasn't, you know, as talkative as some of like the other people that I knew were going to be in that space. So I just really wanted to give the reassurance that leadership and fundraising shows up in so many different ways, and there really isn't a right or wrong way to do that. Um, and then finally, introverts bring amazing skills and they're just as valuable as other skills, and you belong as a fundraiser just as much as anyone else.

Debunking Introversion vs Shyness

Keith Greer 42:50

So true. And I want to say just a little bit about my reflections on the AFP Leadership Institute, and it was really impressive to me the way that we brought in so many people who are very strong extroverts and people who are very strong introverts, and the way that they were able to navigate a week together and how some of those voices definitely took prominence in the beginning of the week. But by the midpoint of the week, in the end of the week, some of those people were getting worn out from having to carry the conversation. And that's when introverts were really able to step up. I think that they got to the point where they felt comfortable with the people that they were surrounded by and a part of. Uh, they knew that their voices would be respected and appreciated and and heard. And you didn't shy away from that. You were an incredible contributor. And along with everybody else, it was such an amazing experience. And I hope that AFB gets to continue the leadership institute because it was really an incredible experience.

Carissa Konesky 43:57

Yeah, it was really like nothing else. That I've ever attended. And the whole reason they put that together is to have a place for fundraisers to become leaders. And I just don't think that that resource has been available before. So I agree. And I also think it was really valuable the way that they set it up so that both the extroverts and the introverts could contribute. I know at the beginning when we came up with the rules for how we were all going to communicate together, I literally said, like, we need to give space to the introverts and like let them talk as well. And our facilitators were so good at, you know, making that space or realizing maybe when some other voices might want to contribute to the conversation as well.

Keith Greer 44:38

And being able to draw those voices out too.

Carissa Konesky 44:41

Exactly. Yeah. No, it was amazing. And I was actually quite surprised at how comfortable I was contributing, especially in a room full of 24 people that you did not know at all before the week began.

Keith Greer 44:52

24 intimidating people because they're all doing amazing things.

Carissa Konesky 44:56

I know. I can't believe how many remarkable, accomplished people were in one room that that week.

Keith Greer 45:02

Yeah, it was special. And I'm so glad that we get to continue these relationships afterwards. Uh because they're they're really important to me. And I think that they're important to you as well, or you wouldn't be here.

Carissa Konesky 45:12

Yeah, absolutely. They're invaluable, those relationships that you form. And I think that fundraisers, like I mentioned, we do have such a unique job that has so many um factors that maybe a lot of other jobs don't have. So being able to talk to people who can relate and share their experience is so valuable.

Keith Greer 45:30

Well, Carissa, thank you so much for being on the podcast and sharing your expertise and your wisdom and your passion about introversion and fundraising and how it really is a superpower because you have listening skills that I have to work on that come naturally to you. So thank you for being here and thank you for being such an important part of my experience.

Carissa Konesky 45:51

Yeah, thank you so much for having me, Keith. This was so fun. And yeah, I think the most important thing is that introverts and extroverts still have um so much to learn from one another and can work really well together and share their skills together. And um, I'm so excited to see that keep happening.

Keith Greer 46:07

Absolutely. And if you were able to attend our icon session, make sure to give Carissa a follow and tell her what an amazing job she did because she's a rock star.

Carissa Konesky 46:16

Aw, thank you, Keith.

Keith Greer 46:17

Have a great one. We'll catch you later.

Carissa Konesky 46:19

Yeah, take care. Bye. Bye.