Maintaining Integrity in Donor Relationships

What happens when a job interview turns into an ethical quagmire? Join us as we unravel the story of a fellow fundraiser who faced an unsettling request during a job interview: to bring specific donors along to a new organization. This episode digs deep into the ethical complexities and challenges fundraisers face, especially when moving between jobs. We emphasize the critical need for genuine donor relationships, treating donors as partners in philanthropy rather than assets to be moved. Discover why maintaining ethical boundaries and focusing on long-term, sustainable growth is paramount in fundraising.

Professional boundaries are essential for ensuring the integrity and effectiveness of fundraising efforts. By staying true to our mission and fostering authentic connections, we drive meaningful change and enhance our impact. This episode encourages listeners to share their own experiences and stories, reinforcing the collective effort to align fundraising with the values and causes that inspire us. Tune in for compelling insights on nurturing donor relationships and remaining committed to ethical stewardship in the world of fundraising. Let's continue to build lasting connections and make a difference together.

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Chapters

• 1:19 Ethical Boundaries in Fundraising Relationships
• 12:14 Maintaining Boundaries for Fundraising Success

Transcript

Speaker 1: 1:20

Hey, there, hi, and welcome back to let's Talk Fundraising. The other day I was talking with a fellow fundraiser who was searching for a new job. They were excited about the organization they were interviewing with. It was doing great work in the community, it aligned with their values and beliefs and everything was going great until their third interview where they met with the CEO. In the middle of the interview, the CEO asks so which donors are you going to bring to our organization? My friend replies well, the ones that I'll bring are the ones that have an affinity for the kind of work that you're doing. I'll do a lot of visits with your existing donor base, ask for introductions to people that they think would be aligned with your work and then start discovery visits to see if there's an alignment between their philanthropic values and what your organization is doing. The CEO, unhappy with this answer, clarifies no, that's not what I was asking. If we're going to be paying you as much as you're asking for, I want to know the names of the donors you're bringing from the organization and how much you think they'll give to us. I want to make sure you're worth the money.

Speaker 1: 2:27

Ultimately, my friend realized this was not the leader that they wanted to work with, and it led to a lot of conversations between us about the different types of relationships we build when we're fundraising. What kind of relationships are ethical to forge, what are lines we don't ever want to cross, and how do we manage some of those tricky conversations? If we are taking donors with us every time we leave an organization and redirecting their money elsewhere, we are not only failing the organizations that hired us to help them organizations that we were once passionate about supporting but we're doing a real disservice to the donors because we're treating them as our goal makers rather than helping them achieve their philanthropic dreams. And this is where things get tricky right. As fundraisers, we walk a fine line between relationship building and ethical stewardship.

Speaker 1: 3:20

Donors are not chess pieces to be moved around from one board to another. When an organization hires you, it's because they believe you can help align their mission with the philanthropic goals of individuals who share their values. Our jobs are to create that connection, not to treat donors like personal assets. Jobs are to create that connection, not to treat donors like personal assets. I've seen it time and time again Leaders and even some fundraisers will blur this boundary, focusing on immediate wins rather than long-term, sustainable growth. But if you're shifting donors from one place to the next based on where you're employed, you're not being a steward of their goals and, worse, you're eroding trust.

Speaker 1: 4:02

The challenge becomes how to communicate this. When faced with that kind of pressure, it's not uncommon to meet CEOs or board members who think your primary value is tied to the specific names you can drop or the checks you can bring in quickly. When that happens, it's important to push back and say my job is to cultivate the relationship between your organization and the donor, not between me personally and the donor. That's the conversation we need to have more often. How do we advocate for long-term relationship building in environments focused on short-term metrics? How do we change that narrative so our leaders, boards and colleagues understand that sustainable fundraising isn't about poaching donors, but about nurturing a true alignment between a donor's passion and the organization's mission? Ultimately, it's about playing the long game. Are we in it for quick wins or are we building something that will last long after we're gone? That's what makes this work so meaningful knowing that we're not just securing funds for a campaign, but we're building a foundation of trust that will support the organization's work for years to come.

Speaker 1: 5:11

But what happens when those lines blur? You know what I'm talking about, when a professional relationship with a donor starts to feel more personal than it should. It happens sometimes without us even realizing it. We've cultivated a connection that goes beyond the mission we're representing. Suddenly we're being invited to spend holidays with the donor's family, or even vacation with them family or even vacation with them. Now let me be clear. Building strong, meaningful relationships with donors is part of what makes fundraising so special. We get to meet incredible people who care deeply about the same causes we do, and sometimes those shared values spark real friendships.

Speaker 1: 5:47

But as fundraisers it's essential that we ask ourselves where do we draw the line? When the relationship becomes too personal, we risk losing focus on our role as stewards. We're no longer just advocates for the organization. We're navigating a personal relationship that can come with expectations and complications. Maybe the donor starts asking for special treatment or more influence over decisions within the organization. Maybe their expectations for access go beyond what's appropriate.

Speaker 1: 6:17

These moments can sneak up on us because the lines were never clearly defined to begin with, and trust me, it's tough. You don't want to hurt someone's feelings or seem ungrateful for their generosity. But maintaining that professional boundary is critical. Otherwise it becomes harder to make unbiased decisions about how to engage them in the organization's work. It can even get to the point where the donor's feelings and relationship with you start to overshadow their connection to the cause. That's not fair to the organization or the donor who came into this wanting to make a difference, not become our social companion.

Speaker 1: 6:54

So how do we manage these situations when they arise? It starts with setting clear boundaries early on. When our donor invites us into their personal life, it's okay to gently remind them that our relationship is built on shared support for the organization. We could say something like I'm so grateful for our partnership in this mission, but I think it's important we keep our focus on the work we're doing together. It's not always easy, but in the long run we're preserving the integrity of the donor's relationship with the organization. And when those lines blur, despite our best intentions, that's when we've got to do some self-reflection. Best intentions, that's when we've got to do some self-reflection. It might mean having a conversation with our supervisors or another colleague to get an outside perspective on how to course correct, sometimes even talking to the donor, expressing that while you value the friendship that's developed, your professional responsibility is to the mission, it can help realign things.

Speaker 1: 7:52

We need to remember that blurred lines can also put us as fundraisers in a tough spot emotionally. When the relationship feels personal, it's easy to take it hard if that donor stops giving or pulls their support altogether. But if you've stayed focused on connecting them to the mission rather than to yourself, you've done your job, whether they continue giving or not. At its core, we settled that the relationship we, as fundraisers, should be forming with donors should not be the relationship between us as individuals and the donor. The relationship we should be building demands that we are acting as stewards of the relationship between the donor and the organization that hired us. And look, I get it. Setting boundaries isn't always easy, but here's the thing Boundaries are what allow us to do our job well without getting overwhelmed.

Speaker 1: 8:43

When we build relationships with donors, especially those who become deeply invested in our mission, we have to keep the lines clear. So how do we do that? First, think about the little things. Establishing professional norms from the get-go can make all the difference. For example, if a donor starts texting you at all hours or wants to have long personal chats, it's perfectly okay to politely redirect the conversation back to the mission and the organization. You could say something like I appreciate your enthusiasm for this project. Let's schedule a time during work hours to dive deeper. Simple, right. You don't need to be rigid or cold, just clear. We also want to avoid situations where we're receiving overly personal gifts or invitations that feel too intimate, like spending a holiday together or going on vacation. When that happens, it's totally okay to say thank you so much for the offer, but I think it's important we keep our relationship focused on the work we're doing here. It's tough, but that boundary ensures the donor understands that their connection is with the organization and not just with us. Second, when we're feeling pressure to deliver quick wins maybe from a CEO, a board or even ourselves it's important to communicate the value of long-term relationship building. I always say fundraising is a marathon, not a sprint.

Speaker 1: 10:05

If you're ever asked to drop names or predict exact dollar amounts from personal donor connections, push back and remind leadership that true philanthropic support comes from cultivating relationships around shared values. It's about building something sustainable. Now self-care this is key. When we get too personally involved with donors, it can take an emotional toll on us. Suddenly their decisions feel like personal successes or failures, and that's a lot of pressure. If you're ever feeling like your work has blurred into your personal life, it's okay to step back and get some perspective. Talk it through with a supervisor or a trusted colleague. Sometimes we need that external viewpoint to remind us of the bigger picture. We are stewards of the donor's relationship with the organization, not with us as individuals.

Speaker 1: 10:55

And here's a final takeaway Think about your current donor relationships. Are there any that feel a little too personal? Maybe there's one that feels more like a friendship than a professional connection. Take a moment to reflect. Are the lines still clear? If not, it's okay to have a conversation with the donor, or even with your leadership, to reset the boundaries. You don't have to feel guilty about it. In fact, by refocusing the relationship on the organization's mission, you're doing what's best for everyone involved. It's about balance because, at the end of the day, the most successful fundraising relationships are the ones where the donor is fully engaged with the mission and we as fundraisers are serving as their guide, not their personal confident.

Speaker 1: 11:43

Remember the work we do is powerful because it brings people together in service of a cause greater than any one of us. So let's keep the focus there. And here's what I want to leave you with. This work we do is built on trust, on authenticity and on a shared commitment to something bigger than ourselves. As fundraisers, we are in a unique position to help donors realize their philanthropic dreams while making a tangible difference in the world. That's powerful, but let's not forget that our role is to guide them toward that mission, not to be the center of their giving.

Speaker 1: 12:15

When we keep the focus on the cause, when we maintain those professional boundaries, we're doing right by the donor, by the organization and ultimately, by ourselves. So the next time you find yourself navigating a tricky situation, remember setting boundaries doesn't make you less effective. Remember setting boundaries doesn't make you less effective. In fact, it strengthens the integrity of the relationship and allows you to do your best work, making a lasting impact. So you've got this Keep nurturing those connections, stay grounded in your values and trust that by being true to your mission, you're building something that will stand the test of time. You're making real, meaningful change in the world, and that's worth everything. Thanks so much for joining me on this episode. Let's keep the conversation going, share your thoughts, your stories and your experiences, because together we can keep fundraising focused on what matters most, the causes that inspire us and the people we're here to serve. Until next time, keep up the good work.